A Holy Dissatisfaction- My Prayer for 2020

This is an inside look at my heart, an invitation to pray with me today. I invite you to join me in holy dissatisfaction.

As I do each year, I’ve been pondering my goals for the coming year. What is God wanting to do? What is He laying on my heart to believe Him for? I want to be focused on the right things…the God things not just the good things or the many things.

You likely do too. It’s the start not only of a new year but a new decade.

As I pray, I find myself filled with what is best described as a holy dissatisfaction. I’m longing for more.

Instead of an informational blog this time, I’d like to share the prayer I wrote in my journal yesterday.

A Prayer for 2020

Lord, as I look to the New Year, You know I cannot do more. I can’t work harder. I can only choose to abide in You more attentively…to seek You, boldly asking You for more. Jesus, You are the One who can do the impossible, not me.

Stir in me a holy dissatisfaction with the status quo. Let my measuring stick be to become like You, to reflect You to the world, to see Your Kingdom come on Earth.

I know this can’t fully happen until You return. But I don’t want to be satisfied with less than Your fullness, less than Your glory, less than Your Kingdom come even now. I want to embrace the deep longing I feel, though it is painful.

Dissatisfaction But Joy

I want to live with holy dissatisfaction. I realize I can’t let that rob me of joy, nor stress me out, or make me over-function. No, I want to laugh, enjoy and celebrate the good things…for there are many in my life.

At the same time, I never want to lose my sense of urgency.

My passionate drive to see greater things….to truly see the manifestation of Your Kingdom here on Earth, keep it burning hot Lord!

I long for greater impact and fruit. I want to see thousands, even tens of thousands coming to know You this year, their lives transformed as they encounter Your love.

Looking around, I see broken people. I’m deeply disturbed by their wandering and dysfunction. Mental illness, gender confusion, broken families, alcoholic husbands, busy executives addicted to work or opioids abound. This world needs you, Jesus.

Loss of Authority

I’m not satisfied when I observe the Church or most mission agencies when I consider our impact on the lost. The church in the West is rapidly losing its place of influence in society.

We’ve lost our moral authority. Christians are no longer viewed as “good people.” This isn’t only because of liberalism and the deterioration of moral standards in our society.

It’s because we haven’t lived life as Jesus would. We haven’t loved well. Our light has grown dim. Instead of kindness and empathy, we have often embraced exclusion. Walls of self-protection are built. Self-righteousness manifests instead of humility. Father forgive us for not being a better reflection of You to a world that truly needs to see You!

My heart is broken and I am holy dissatisfied. Instead of making disciples, our churches are still stuck on the goal of filling seats. We work so hard to create amazing shows to “Wow!” people with our performances.

Free Me From the Pursuit of Comfort

Oh God, I want to see a great impact, but often I’m not willing to bear the cross.

Make me willing to lay down the easy and pick up the hard. That is what it will take to see the millions come to know You. I know I must be willing to press in with fervent prayer. That is sometimes hard for me.

Help me be willing, to stay focused on what matters. Keep me from being distracted by the many, many things I could do that aren’t what You are saying I must do.

Abiding, Dwelling, and Shining

Help me stay centered on You, abiding in You, constantly drawing from the well of Your Spirit living within me.

Let me dwell in that place, a devourer of Your Word. Let my light shine brightly to those around me. Make me a city on a hill that can’t be hidden, not a secret believer who my neighbors think of as a “nice person.”

I’m holy dissatisfied with my lack of love and compassion for the lost person who sits in the airplane next to me, or who checks me out in the grocery store. Open my eyes to see them as You do, my heart to love them. Let my mouth open to invite them into Your Kingdom, call them to repentance and freedom, or pray for them.

Embracing Grace, But Not Okay

Lord, I know I can tend to be a perfectionist. I’m not so good at embracing grace for myself or others. Help me!

Knowing this, let me never lose my passionate, burning hunger to see more of Your Kingdom here on earth. Let me always be holy dissatisfied until Your Kingdom comes, until Your will is truly being done in my life and in this world.

Don’t let me fall asleep. I don’t want to become okay with millions…one-third of the world…not knowing a Christian, not knowing that You love them and died to save them.

Let this reality push me forward, out of my comfortable life. May their lost condition move me to tears yet again. Let my heart not grow hard to the reality of what their lack of relationship with You means both now and for eternity.

Prune Away, Lord!

Make me a ruthless evaluator of my own life, and the ministries I lead. Make me willing to stop what needs stopping, to embrace necessary endings so the new wineskins and new wine can come.

When I’m wasting time on unfruitful things God, prune away. Help me not to whine too much at the loss of those blooms, buds and beautiful branches you choose to cut away, so my life can be more fruitful.

Oh God, make me willing to embrace persecution. Help me not run from it.

Don’t let me join the scramble to find ways to be more acceptable to an ungodly government or society. One that is openly opposed to Your ways, truth, and Word.

Make me ready to face suffering to see Your truth known. I want to be willing to go wherever You send me, even if it means house arrest, jail, beating, rape or death. Make me dissatisfied, until my heart says “Here I am Lord, send me,” once again. Even about the most challenging places.

Filling Buildings or Programs

I’m holy dissatisfied with addition growth. With filling buildings, houses, or programs, with disciples who don’t then go out and make more disciples. With feeding people, but not expecting them, when they’ve been fed, to go out and feed others.

I want to see radical Kingdom Movements, Lord. Not one. Not two. I want to see hundreds of movements of radical, passionate Jesus followers. Let me play my part. Help me believe for it, pray for it, and see it become a reality.

Let me see Your Church wake up and be healed, Jesus. Let us see a revival on our college campuses, in our homes, and workplaces.

Let Them Stream Into Your Kingdom

I’m asking you, God, let me see the day when millions of Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, Sikhs, even nominal Christians come streaming into your Kingdom.

I want to see the day when those with gender confusion are instantly healed and mental disorders vanish.

Why are some miracles considered too hard for you? I’m dissatisfied with this.

Jesus, as I face 2020, fill my heart with faith to believe You for more. For my own life, ministry and work, but also for Your Body – the Church. Let me believe that this will be a year of breakthrough, a year when we see Your dreams coming true, and impossible, incredible things happen.

Keep me dissatisfied until I’m living and behaving the way You designed me to and seeing the fruit and impact You’ve destined for me to realize.

Give me grace today and each day of 2020 to live holy dissatisfied.

In Your amazing, powerful name, Amen.